Hunkered down at home

Cheers all!

The days are now being marked by how many naps I get.  Physically I'm in great shape - I simply have no energy.  Docs say it'll come with time.  In the meantime I treasure my happy nappy!

Rarely am I at a lost for words (as a teacher I've always got something to say!)  but the events of last Thanksgiving stunned me into utter silence and then a torrent of tears.  Over at Luke's house, for Thanksgiving Dinner, led by Mike Raque, Becky's brother, in a fit of love bordering on insanity, the male population in attendance decided to make a trek into the garage, and with hairdresser Katie in tow, all shaved their heads in support of Chemo Bob!  Mike Raque, George Anderson, Sam Anderson, Dillon Rodriquez, Luke Haire, Tim Raque, William Pregliasco, Don Stearns.  I haven't been so touched since my children were born.  I'm still speechless.  I'm awed at the display of support and love - yet I'm befuddled at the insanity!  I don't know whether to say "Thank you, I love you." or "What did you do you crazy bastards!"  I guess I'll just combine the two.  "I love you crazy bastards!!"  Let's just make this a one time thing. No tradition here!

And keeping up with the spirit  of giving, I woke up one morning and walked into the kitchen, when I noticed an unusual sight on my back porch!  It seems that a certain Italian Irish elf named Tom Keenan just couldn't stand that I'd go through Christmas without a real tree. (Docs put a kabash on a real tree indoors this year.)
So he and his beautiful wife Tammy went out one night, bought a tree, bought a tree stand, bought multiple strands of lights, bought a UK Santa's hat topper, snuck onto my back porch while I was sleeping and set the whole thing up, lights and all!!!   Imagine my surprise the next morning.  And another torrent of tears followed.

Just rereading what I just wrote created another torrent of tears.  Blame it on the Chemo.

I go back in next Wednesday for treatment number 4 of 6. (I should be home for Christmas, if nothing unusual comes up.)  That means I'm over 1\2 way done!  I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet but I know it's there and I know I'm getting closer.

I can't say enough about the people that surround me.  And how much I love them.  You all know.  And I truly am speechless.  Let's let the silence speak volumes.  Merry Christmas to all.  We'll talk soon.  Chemo Bob.

It's Thursday - still in prison

      My original release date was last Monday.  It's now looking like next Tuesday.  Nothing ruins your chi like  being told that your parole has been denied.  I'll pound something out here - but it probably won't be much.

I've kind of bounced from infection to infection.  These infections have caused my delay in leaving. The last infection is the most insidious.  It seems that all the little poop cells in the bowels of my body all got together and decided to create a huge water slide.  They  propped open every door, every valve, every opening in my intestines from my stomach all the way to the final exits to the outside.  They would then take a running start in my belly and throw themselves into the luge-like side, through the twist and turns, all the way until it spit them out into the out side world.  They probably charged $4-$5 that they used to go to their Annual Poop Convention.  (They used to hold it with the Mucus Guys, but that was before they made it big in Hollywood.)

Anyway you can imagine my surprise when my orifices began to erupt, unannounced, with all sorts of vile and detestable materials.  It caused quit a stir here in the hospital.  My ego will never be the same. (No, Jimmie, there weren't any 18 year old Candy Strippers to clean me up.)  It's called C Diff, for those of you that are medically inclined.  And the pain of the contractions was horrific.  I have great respect for you ladies now!   So they immediately put me on a ton of antibodies, including a constant drip of Morphine, which I'm on now.  Believe it's tough to search your person list of vocabulary words when your on morphine.

But they've seemed to have gotten that under control, they've hired 3 new people for the 3 that quit when they absolutely refused to enter my room upon open the door and smelling the stench. They swore that only an exorcism could clean up the mess.

Everybody's waiting to see if the system has settled down.  It's been a pretty hectic 6 days.  Ups and downs!!  This week has been the downs!!  More than I thought I could handle. This week was one of tears and hugs from my best friend, Becky.  I need to go home for a couple of days to find my inner peace again!    I"ll write again when I've got the strength.  Hopefully from home!      Chemo Bob.

11/24/13

Emily says I have to blog even if I have nothing to say.  Just because she has nothing to say when she speaks doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. 

This is my 4^th stay in Norton’s Commons – no wait – it’s Norton’s Hospital, since this sojourn began months ago.  I’ve kind of gotten used to walking around in a gown that’s open in the back.  It feels liberating.  I just wish that creepy guy down in 610 would stop following me around. 

This term is supposed to be a mirror image of my first stay, which, if you remember, was really bad.  But through the miracles of modern medicine this has turned out to be quite the opposite.  So far I’ve had no reaction to the constant flow of drugs.  Some weakness.  5 days of constant hiccups.  (IF you’ve never experienced that – you don’t want to.  They are painful!)   But other than that – nothing.  Now the heavy shit comes later in the week.  The 24 hour KILLZ ALL is sometime this week.    I’ll just pretend it’s turkey and dressing and sweet potatoes and cranberry salad and green bean casserole and pecan pie and Uncle Don’s dumplings, and  mashed potatoes and gravy and --- well you get the message!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m beginning to dig the glossy dome look.  Makes me look like Mr. Clean!!

For those of  you that care, my weight is hanging in there.  I’m running at about 190-195. Hey at least I weigh more than this IV pole I’ve got to drag around with me everywhere I go.  I’ve named her, by the way.  She’s Lemonade Lucy!  I’m thinking about opening up my own Lemonade Stand down on the corner of the nurse’s station.  But I seriously doubt if anybody would want to spend a dime for a cup of this poison. 

I know the temperature is going down but the sports are heating up.  This is a great time to be bed ridden – if there is such a time.   With the Cats and the Cards life is exciting.  And 24-7 Sports Center.  Im becoming an expert.  De de de-de de de.

 

I’ve been on thorazine for the hiccup problem.  For all of you out there that like your blood pressure to hover around 10 get on it.  You’ll be doing the thorazine shuffle before you know it.  If you don’t know what that is watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, or ask someone from my generation. It’s groovy, Daddyo!

I’ve about run out of words, but I have to address the holiday this week.

As you all sit down this week with those you love and those that love you and tip back that glass  - remember those that don’t have what we have.  Remember those that are sitting alone.  Remember how blessed we are!  Someone sitting at one of those Thanksgiving tables that I’m talking to right now should get teary eyed thinking about how much we have.  Everybody take a second and look around you.  Why are we so blessed?  We have to give something back.  Most of us have been given far more than we deserve!  We must make a solemn promise to ourselves to do something to return the blessings that have been bestowed upon us.  Little – big – doesn’t matter.  Give something of ourselves to someone that doesn’t have what we have.

Nothing has made me appreciate what I have like this latest setback.  I am a wealthy man.  As a matter of fact we are all wealthy people.  Let’s share the wealth.

 

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.  With great love, Chemo Bob

Just couldn't stay away

Good morning all.  I trust this blog finds everybody hale and hearty.

 The chemo gods (they don't even rate a capital g) played a cruel trick on me and gave me a fever - that wouldn't go away.  It just kept coming and coming and coming.  Believe me folks with no armies in the fort (that's chemo-speak for no white blood cells) the enemy (infection) can rape, pillage and plunder to its heart content!  I found myself being raped and pillaged.  The pillaging wasn't so bad but I'll pass on the rape portion of the equation.  Yep the Vandals swept in from the north and had their way with me..

I was the proverbial fly on the wall as I lay there on the ER gurney and watched my beautiful wife dictate, direct and for all intense and purposes dominate the scared ER docs and nurses.  It was poetry in motion.  I've never loved her so deeply or so intehhat night.  She was firm but sincere.  Her expectation of ER performance was set higher then these people had ever even dreamed!  And she would have nothing less then top notch  care.  She was marvelous!!!

But the end result was I am stuck in this jail cell for another 3 days.  Waiting for the cultures to come back.  I think they take my blood, put it a petri dish and watch what grows.  I don't know, I guess they put it on a hot steamy radiator or something.  This is how they found a cure for polio.  Anyway, cultures are due back on Wednesday. We'll see what alien life form is growing in this temple I call my body!

Anyway I'm hoping for a Wed release so I can salvage some of my vacation time.  I start the BIG chemo treatments again next Monday.   I was hoping to ride the golf course with Luke on one of these pretty days.  While I'm on the topic of Luke.  What are he and Metcalf brewing up in Luke's kitchen??  The neighbors are beginning to wonder what kind of people moved into their neighborhood.  "Breaking Bad" right here in Louisville??????  Thanks Luke for stepping up to the plate with Thanksgiving.  Luke and Katie have taken on the task of feeding the Raque family on Thanksgiving.  I'll be here and Luke will join me in hell.  (Just kidding to all the Raques that are reading this.)  (It's the truth to all the non-Raques that are reading.)  Luke has grown into quite a young man!  A father couldn't be more proud!

For all you dense people that couldn't figure out my state::Storrington Court quiz from my last blog (and this goes for members of my family that pride themselves on being sharp and witty) do some research!!!  You all have a computer or you wouldn't be reading these words.

Go Cayuts!!!  Dare I even dream of a prefect season!!??!!

I'm done for now.  Keep fighting the good fight.  We'll talk again, Chemo-sabe.  Chemo Bob

11/5/2013

I’m back on “home recoup” time.  This is good time because I get to move around and I’m in friendly environs.  But it always starts pretty bad.  I still feel the residual of the chemo and my stomach is upside down constantly and I feel like I’ve been beat with a 20 oz. Louisville Slugger.  In about 4 or 5 days the chemo will be out of my system and I’ll be able to function like a quasi-normal human being.

I get to stay home until the 18^th.  Then I’m back in for about 4 weeks.  It is a rerun of the first series of drugs.  All I’m doing right now is lowering my head and plowing through.  I’m tired of feeling this way – and I know this is only the beginning.  Thank God for Emily who sees it as her mission to work on my sense of humor, although she did humiliate me last week walking through the halls of the hospital.  I’ll never be able to show my bald head in public again. But that’s ok. I laughed.  That felt good.  I wonder what she has in store for me on Thanksgiving?

Quiz;  What do Alaska, Delaware, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, DC, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Washington and 8707 Storrington Court, Louisville, KY 40222, all have in common??????????????

I buried my nose in the Halloween candy basket.  Thanks Guetz!!!  I’ve always said you are an extra-ordinary young lady!

A special thanks to Philip and the beautiful people of Daviess County, KY.  After a particularly bad day I was right with you all on Saturday afternoon around 5.  I believe in the power of the unison voice!

I just finished trying to catch up on my e-mail.  Teachers sure love to talk!  I didn’t break the news to them that it’s not them I miss, it’s the kids.  I never realized how much I get from the students.  They give more then they get.

I’m tired.  It’s time I put it away.  I know its short today, but I’m getting chemo brain!  To illustrate how bad chemo brain is (believe me, it’s real), the other night Becky beat me at Jeopardy!!  And it wasn’t high school Jeopardy!  I’m a total wreck sometimes!  You guys stay cool. 

Signing off, your local chemo-sabe.  Chemo Bob.  High Ho Silver!

Happy Halloween!  Who knows how to party now??!!!

Midway through round 2.

               Take a seat, I've been up most of the night thinking of this description of the two rounds.

Round one was like a great artillery barrage. They set the Big Berthas and the 80 s up on the hillside and simply unloaded on the poor unsuspecting and townsfolk  below. Reducing every village to rubble and causing the people to scurry off to safety  or die from the rain of metal from the sky. The ground shook. Wells were toppled. Churches were reduced to ashes. Smoke and ash enveloped the place - only to be renewed tomorrow, and the next and the next and the next....

In this battle plan I was given one chemo drug a day - lasting about 4-6 hours - and then the rest of the time I tried to sleep it off, or I would just lie there devastated, in ruins myself. And await the next barrage I knew was coming. My blood numbers went to 0. My hair to the floor. My energy to nil and my attitude to hell in a hand basket.

Enter 8 days of R&R, recoup time at home. My sister came up and stayed with me - what a wonderful visit with my beautiful sister, and by the 4th day I was a member of the human race again - a weak member but I felt myself coming back. Food began to have taste again. I even ate a steak on the Saturday before returning. ... But all the time dreading the return to the battle field. One that I knew I was going to lose. My dread even caused a minor panic attack on my part on Sunday night, complete with crying and the confession of fear and sorrow. In other words a full blown pity pot party.

Monday morning didn't lessen my anxiety any. My first drug was the one drug in round 1 that caused me seizures. Luke called it the Exorcist Chemical! I demanded to be put out before the chemical was applied. They complied. I achieved Nirvana right when the Rat Poison was reaching it's target. Like ships passing in the night, neither knew of each other's presence! It did it's thing and I continued to pick daisies in the meadow near the babbling brook. And such was the beginning of round two. The battle plans have changed.

I an being hit with no fewer than 4 different chemo drugs a day now - round the clock - literally 24 hours a day. Between each chemo add a layer of "bladder protection" drug that takes about 1/2 hour. Eye drops inserted 6 times a day. At least one bag of blood a day. In short there is somebody hoovering over me, changing bags, inserting needles, taking readings, I think they even pulled out the Geiger Counter once! It's a flurry of activity. Before I had hours to get over the treatment, now I catnap an hour or two at a time. It's 5:45 am at 6 I await the first of the "bladder protection" treatments.

It's like the infantry has arrived. People and chemicals are scurrying around everywhere throughout my system! And what was once rubble is now being moved, and stacked. MASH units are being set up. We are taking control on the ground. My blood numbers have ALL risen!!! I love eating. My attitude is fantastic - despite the lack of sleep. I'm sitting here now with a cup of coffee, that I walked down and got, myself - my first coffee since I started this sojourn.

Now I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. And I know that I have to go through Round 1 again, aptly named Round 3 the next time. But I am so far removed from the devastation of that first go round that I'm ready to take it on again. All the thoughts, prayers, concessions made to the gods on my behalf seem to be working. Thank you all.  Take care of yours - and mine in your safe keeping. Stay cool. Good Friend, Chemo Bob   (Your own personal Chemo-sabe!!!)

I'm baaaaack!!!!!!  First off ignore all typos!  My fingers aren't working properly right now.  Blame the chemo!!

I made it through the first round of body-altering drugs.  I don't know how.  There were a few set backs but mostly I hung in there through the regiment.  There was one drug in particular that kicked my butt.  It was a glow-in-the-dark, neon green chemical that was designed as a 24 hour drip.  Trust me folks this was no "Weed-be-Gone" type of herbicide.  Oh Hell No, this was your "KILLZ-ALL" variety.  Since the drip was so slow I felt nothing for the longest time.  "I've got this licked," I thought, until about the 20th hour.  Then my eyes flashed open with the sudden awareness that I could no longer feel my body.  Any moment an "Alien" being was going to rip its way out of my sternum and scurry across the bed.  I knew this was going to happen.  I prayed for death that night.  I fully understood what I'd been through when on the afternoon of the second day the nurse hooked me up to what she called a recovery drug.  A 30 minute drug 3 times a day to help me get through the effects of the KILLZ-ALL. Folks when they have to give you a drug to help you recover from the drug they just gave you then this is some serious chemicals!  This stuff attacked everything.  Bone marrow - zapped!  Spinal fluids - nuked!  Kidneys, Liver, _______________ (insert organ here) - rendered useless! I proved that day that in some cases water IS thicker than blood!

But guess what, in 2 days time the white count began to rise, hemoglobin was up, every thing, including my attitude began to perk up.  I almost felt human again.  Maybe things were headed in the right direction, and a little side trip into hell was a small price to pay.  (How naive I was to think that, I have to go through this 3 more times!)

We worked on a simple 3 Step Program we called W.E.P.  A simple daily routine designed to help you through even the darkest of times.  Daily - Walk!!  Keep things moving, get your butt out of bed!!  This was the easiest to accomplish.  When my family came up they would take me around - we even went outside a couple of times.  Emily and I loved the fountains we found.  I was often sick and tired but I loved these moments.
    Daily - Eat!!  Daily nourishment was vital and often times the most problematic.  Chemo ruins your taste buds so everything tastes like cardboard.  Add to that an already upset stomach and some days I literally had to force myself to eat.  I've lost about 20 pounds so far - and I'm sure there's more to follow.  Becky is complaining that she's found every pound I've lost.  Still even now, at home, I find it tough to eat some days. I must force my way through it.
     Daily - Poop!!  Laugh if you will but as I found out this was the most important of all.  You know you've sunk pretty low when the major topic of conversation among the family was rather I'd pooped that day!  The first non-pooping day is not a problem, I'll pick it up tomorrow!  Day 2 of no-movement becomes a little strained, but I'll do another lap around the nursing station and loosen things up.  Day 3 it becomes an issue and the docs have you on so many stool-softening medicines you believe your eyeballs will just float out of your head.  On day 4 you are curled into a fetal position and the "W" and "E" portion of the 3 step program are only memories.  You can't move!  And you are demanding just one small stick of dynamite to blow a hole in this Hoover Damn that has been erected in your bowels!!  Oh and then when relief finally comes!!  It is such sweet torment!  That last for about 5 hours!!!  I AAAHHHed with pleasure so loudly that they heard it at the nursing station!  They clapped for my success.  We have touchdown!

I just realized I've written quite a lot.  I haven't even talked about my good fortune to be sent home for about 10 days for some serious recoup time.  My beautiful sister, Molly, has become my line to a sane world before going back into the black hole of chemo!  I've got more stories to tell.  But they'll have to wait for another time.  It's 11:30 in the morning and Molly is already harping on me about eating some lunch.  I promise to write again if you promise to continue to send me your strength!  As I weave my way through this tunnel I am getting weaker and weaker and I'm in greater need of your strength and prayers.  Everyone asks "What can we do?"  this is it.  Send me prayers - send me strength!  I'll catch the vibe and ride it as far as I can!  I believe in the power of "unison thought".  This is more than one man can do alone.  You send the wave!!  KAWABUNGA DUDE!!!!!!!

Love to you all.  It's nap time before lunch.  Chemo Bob!

Oct. 6
  Dad just finished up a 24 hour round of chemo.  Not feeling sick but so tired it takes all his effort to eat or sit up in bed.  We were hoping for a little break and be able to go home for a few days,seeing Dozier, having fresh air, going into the kitchen and making his own PPJ, and sleeping in his own bed.   Well we were wrong.  The doc just left the room and gave us a some bad news- "looks like you will be here for another 7-10 days.  Make no plans"
  Sitting here watching dad feel so miserable just kills me.   Knowing there is nothing I can do to make him feels make- just makes me fell hopeless.  We got a long journey ahead of us.
   I do want to take a minute to thank everyone for all your support and prayers.  We really do appreciate it. Without you guys this road would be the rocky mountains.
 Emily

1

 

I have complete lost track of the days I've been here.  Everyday is a treatment some days are bigger than others.  No, that's not true, yesterday they gave me the day off.  I was so happy because my sister molly was coming in to visit.  But they give you days off for a reason, I was pretty wiped out for my visit with my sister.  Sorry Molly Ill make it up to you.
   Everything is pretty good, no side effects.   A lot of weakness, loss of energy, and lose of appetite.  I've got about 3 or 4 more days that I'm in here than I'm home for 10.  Huge lose in concentration, having a hard time reading and working my crossword puzzles.  But  I look good in a hospital gown!    The hair is a still in  place but  I expect it to beginning falling out soon.  Will have a shave granddad head party when I go home.
  Daytime television sucks!  I know every celebrity judge,(sorry chemo bobbing)...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
That's all got.  My mind just faded out.  So I'm gonna take a rest.
Signing out,
  Chemo Bob

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Day 5

Got 30 minutes of free time to spend with my grandson David. Handling the treatments a little bit better.

Day four

Day four started out real good.  Took shower, much needed I even shaved.  I don't know why I wasted a razor on that, hell their gonna fall out in three days, but man did it feel good.  I ate some of Teresa love in a muffin. Teresa did it right, just popped in left her snacks and left, Thanks Teresa.
  Emily tells me over 800 people have already read this blog.  I don't even know over 800 people, who are you people???? Read a book, get life.  LOL.
    Lets talk about visitors for a minute.  I understand your need to do something, I appreciate the love you wanna share but I need time to heal.  A 15-20 minute visit shows me you care without taxing my health limit. 
    Jimmy came but forgot the cooler- thanks a lot brother.
     The doctor tells me I have to lay off liquid embellishments through this chemo period, that's a loooooooooooooooooooog dry spell.  I'm counting on my special brothers (you know who you are) to help me achieve the the high I need in my life. 
   Diner just came Ill sign out for the night.
This is Chemo Bob, Ill see you on the radio.

The Beginning

It all began last Tuesday when dad woke up with a softball size tumor under his right arm.  No pain, no discomfort just the confusion and fear that 13 years of living on borrowed time was about to come to an end.
    You see in 1999 Dad was diagnosed with Non- Hodgekina lymphoma but after a very short 3 months of radiation treatment life continued on as normal.  A simple blimp in the road.  Nothing to it. 
  This time felt different.  The tumor was larger and its apperance came so sudden.  For ever the ostich dad grabs his golf clubs and heads to the golf couse, while mom grabs the phone and beigns to take care of business.  Within minutes she had secured dad a  doctors apointment. " I got the message on hole 12 on Long Run golft couse to be at the doctors in 20 minutes ( "I would of pared that hoe"). The eyes of my short phillipono doctor,   Doctor Tobias, lite up at the site of the mass.  "O you need surgeon". I was immediatley suffuled over to your typical daytime soap opra doctor- silver hair, square jawl, perely white teeth, and a twinkle in his eye. Doctor Darnell agreed with Dr. Tobias diagnoses, "you need surgery" he said.  So far nothing has been mentioned about Non- hopskins lympoma, the 800lb elephant in the room. But that would be short lived. And we better get a biopsy the good docotr said.  I felt it begin at the base of my spine, slowly crawling up my back and raising the hairs on the back of my neck.  Hey 13 years of borrowed time was a pretty good gift.  The surgery to remove the tumor went just fine.  Hell  I thought this was going to be another easy ride. The following morning I jumpped out of bed and went to school.  With a plastic drain attached to my body to take the excess poision out of my body.  I obviosuly live in a delusional world, cause by noon my system went sideways, heavy chills, and high fever.  The good people at Eastern drove me home and thats when I began to come to the realization that this was more serious than it was before.  Becky worked with me for the next 6 hours to combat this fever and by 9o'clock it was managable.  So managable in fact I choose to go to my neices wedding in Owensboro, KY.  And what a beautiful wedding that was.  With the fear of something serious looming behind my consciousness I was so happy to be involved in such a glourios ceromany.  Amy and Robert gave me hope.  That Saturday night in the hours that followed the wedding my neck and ears and face began to tingle.  Tingled like a funny bone tingle.  I woke up Sunday morning and it was as if someone pours acid on my face---- shingles.  The pain was horrfic not to mention the psychological pain of waking up looking like the phantom of the opera.  This caused another trip to the surgeon.
    Monday morning "you need to go to the hospital NOW", hold on I was just dancing with my neice two nights ago,  "its a serve case of shingles and we think its associated to your lymphoa", and there it is that unspoken word, lymphoma, the big C- CANCER! All aboard, the roller coaster is leaving the station.  The thrills of the highs and the heart pounding depressions of the lows, this is gonna be a long ride.
     There are over 60 types of Non- hopkins lymphoma seperated in three catorgeries, "or three hits".  Thirteen years ago I was a "one hitter", we got through it without a hitch.  Not so lucky this time.  Im a two hitter, one step below leukima.  Multiple tumors thoughout the body, including the spleen, kidney and liver with evidence in my  bone marrow and spinal column.  Aggressive chemotherpy is the only answer.  I was immedialtly admitted in Suburban Hospital which is where I call home sweet home for the next six months. 
    This is where you find me now, on day three of my chemo treatments.  The docotor told me it was going to be like being hit with a mac truck, boy was he wrong, the whole fleet drove in.  The pain I went through was unimaginable, a full body charley- horse for 48 stight hours. Things calmed down on Saturday morning.  After nurse Becky logged every drug that has been put in her husbands body she fianlly influenced the nurses on what drugs worked best.  Medications were adjuted on Saturday morning and that where we are tonight.  "I took a wheelchair ride outside on the porch, watching NCAA football, had a visit with my brother Reid, and I finally feel like Im sick, not dying. "