Thursday, October 31, 2013
Midway through round 2.
Take a seat, I've been up most of the night thinking of this description of the two rounds.
Round one was like a great artillery barrage. They set the Big Berthas and the 80 s up on the hillside and simply unloaded on the poor unsuspecting and townsfolk below. Reducing every village to rubble and causing the people to scurry off to safety or die from the rain of metal from the sky. The ground shook. Wells were toppled. Churches were reduced to ashes. Smoke and ash enveloped the place - only to be renewed tomorrow, and the next and the next and the next....
In this battle plan I was given one chemo drug a day - lasting about 4-6 hours - and then the rest of the time I tried to sleep it off, or I would just lie there devastated, in ruins myself. And await the next barrage I knew was coming. My blood numbers went to 0. My hair to the floor. My energy to nil and my attitude to hell in a hand basket.
Enter 8 days of R&R, recoup time at home. My sister came up and stayed with me - what a wonderful visit with my beautiful sister, and by the 4th day I was a member of the human race again - a weak member but I felt myself coming back. Food began to have taste again. I even ate a steak on the Saturday before returning. ... But all the time dreading the return to the battle field. One that I knew I was going to lose. My dread even caused a minor panic attack on my part on Sunday night, complete with crying and the confession of fear and sorrow. In other words a full blown pity pot party.
Monday morning didn't lessen my anxiety any. My first drug was the one drug in round 1 that caused me seizures. Luke called it the Exorcist Chemical! I demanded to be put out before the chemical was applied. They complied. I achieved Nirvana right when the Rat Poison was reaching it's target. Like ships passing in the night, neither knew of each other's presence! It did it's thing and I continued to pick daisies in the meadow near the babbling brook. And such was the beginning of round two. The battle plans have changed.
I an being hit with no fewer than 4 different chemo drugs a day now - round the clock - literally 24 hours a day. Between each chemo add a layer of "bladder protection" drug that takes about 1/2 hour. Eye drops inserted 6 times a day. At least one bag of blood a day. In short there is somebody hoovering over me, changing bags, inserting needles, taking readings, I think they even pulled out the Geiger Counter once! It's a flurry of activity. Before I had hours to get over the treatment, now I catnap an hour or two at a time. It's 5:45 am at 6 I await the first of the "bladder protection" treatments.
It's like the infantry has arrived. People and chemicals are scurrying around everywhere throughout my system! And what was once rubble is now being moved, and stacked. MASH units are being set up. We are taking control on the ground. My blood numbers have ALL risen!!! I love eating. My attitude is fantastic - despite the lack of sleep. I'm sitting here now with a cup of coffee, that I walked down and got, myself - my first coffee since I started this sojourn.
Now I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. And I know that I have to go through Round 1 again, aptly named Round 3 the next time. But I am so far removed from the devastation of that first go round that I'm ready to take it on again. All the thoughts, prayers, concessions made to the gods on my behalf seem to be working. Thank you all. Take care of yours - and mine in your safe keeping. Stay cool. Good Friend, Chemo Bob (Your own personal Chemo-sabe!!!)
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
I'm baaaaack!!!!!! First off ignore all typos! My fingers aren't working properly right now. Blame the chemo!!
I made it through the first round of body-altering drugs. I don't know how. There were a few set backs but mostly I hung in there through the regiment. There was one drug in particular that kicked my butt. It was a glow-in-the-dark, neon green chemical that was designed as a 24 hour drip. Trust me folks this was no "Weed-be-Gone" type of herbicide. Oh Hell No, this was your "KILLZ-ALL" variety. Since the drip was so slow I felt nothing for the longest time. "I've got this licked," I thought, until about the 20th hour. Then my eyes flashed open with the sudden awareness that I could no longer feel my body. Any moment an "Alien" being was going to rip its way out of my sternum and scurry across the bed. I knew this was going to happen. I prayed for death that night. I fully understood what I'd been through when on the afternoon of the second day the nurse hooked me up to what she called a recovery drug. A 30 minute drug 3 times a day to help me get through the effects of the KILLZ-ALL. Folks when they have to give you a drug to help you recover from the drug they just gave you then this is some serious chemicals! This stuff attacked everything. Bone marrow - zapped! Spinal fluids - nuked! Kidneys, Liver, _______________ (insert organ here) - rendered useless! I proved that day that in some cases water IS thicker than blood!
But guess what, in 2 days time the white count began to rise, hemoglobin was up, every thing, including my attitude began to perk up. I almost felt human again. Maybe things were headed in the right direction, and a little side trip into hell was a small price to pay. (How naive I was to think that, I have to go through this 3 more times!)
We worked on a simple 3 Step Program we called W.E.P. A simple daily routine designed to help you through even the darkest of times. Daily - Walk!! Keep things moving, get your butt out of bed!! This was the easiest to accomplish. When my family came up they would take me around - we even went outside a couple of times. Emily and I loved the fountains we found. I was often sick and tired but I loved these moments.
Daily - Eat!! Daily nourishment was vital and often times the most problematic. Chemo ruins your taste buds so everything tastes like cardboard. Add to that an already upset stomach and some days I literally had to force myself to eat. I've lost about 20 pounds so far - and I'm sure there's more to follow. Becky is complaining that she's found every pound I've lost. Still even now, at home, I find it tough to eat some days. I must force my way through it.
Daily - Poop!! Laugh if you will but as I found out this was the most important of all. You know you've sunk pretty low when the major topic of conversation among the family was rather I'd pooped that day! The first non-pooping day is not a problem, I'll pick it up tomorrow! Day 2 of no-movement becomes a little strained, but I'll do another lap around the nursing station and loosen things up. Day 3 it becomes an issue and the docs have you on so many stool-softening medicines you believe your eyeballs will just float out of your head. On day 4 you are curled into a fetal position and the "W" and "E" portion of the 3 step program are only memories. You can't move! And you are demanding just one small stick of dynamite to blow a hole in this Hoover Damn that has been erected in your bowels!! Oh and then when relief finally comes!! It is such sweet torment! That last for about 5 hours!!! I AAAHHHed with pleasure so loudly that they heard it at the nursing station! They clapped for my success. We have touchdown!
I just realized I've written quite a lot. I haven't even talked about my good fortune to be sent home for about 10 days for some serious recoup time. My beautiful sister, Molly, has become my line to a sane world before going back into the black hole of chemo! I've got more stories to tell. But they'll have to wait for another time. It's 11:30 in the morning and Molly is already harping on me about eating some lunch. I promise to write again if you promise to continue to send me your strength! As I weave my way through this tunnel I am getting weaker and weaker and I'm in greater need of your strength and prayers. Everyone asks "What can we do?" this is it. Send me prayers - send me strength! I'll catch the vibe and ride it as far as I can! I believe in the power of "unison thought". This is more than one man can do alone. You send the wave!! KAWABUNGA DUDE!!!!!!!
Love to you all. It's nap time before lunch. Chemo Bob!
I made it through the first round of body-altering drugs. I don't know how. There were a few set backs but mostly I hung in there through the regiment. There was one drug in particular that kicked my butt. It was a glow-in-the-dark, neon green chemical that was designed as a 24 hour drip. Trust me folks this was no "Weed-be-Gone" type of herbicide. Oh Hell No, this was your "KILLZ-ALL" variety. Since the drip was so slow I felt nothing for the longest time. "I've got this licked," I thought, until about the 20th hour. Then my eyes flashed open with the sudden awareness that I could no longer feel my body. Any moment an "Alien" being was going to rip its way out of my sternum and scurry across the bed. I knew this was going to happen. I prayed for death that night. I fully understood what I'd been through when on the afternoon of the second day the nurse hooked me up to what she called a recovery drug. A 30 minute drug 3 times a day to help me get through the effects of the KILLZ-ALL. Folks when they have to give you a drug to help you recover from the drug they just gave you then this is some serious chemicals! This stuff attacked everything. Bone marrow - zapped! Spinal fluids - nuked! Kidneys, Liver, _______________ (insert organ here) - rendered useless! I proved that day that in some cases water IS thicker than blood!
But guess what, in 2 days time the white count began to rise, hemoglobin was up, every thing, including my attitude began to perk up. I almost felt human again. Maybe things were headed in the right direction, and a little side trip into hell was a small price to pay. (How naive I was to think that, I have to go through this 3 more times!)
We worked on a simple 3 Step Program we called W.E.P. A simple daily routine designed to help you through even the darkest of times. Daily - Walk!! Keep things moving, get your butt out of bed!! This was the easiest to accomplish. When my family came up they would take me around - we even went outside a couple of times. Emily and I loved the fountains we found. I was often sick and tired but I loved these moments.
Daily - Eat!! Daily nourishment was vital and often times the most problematic. Chemo ruins your taste buds so everything tastes like cardboard. Add to that an already upset stomach and some days I literally had to force myself to eat. I've lost about 20 pounds so far - and I'm sure there's more to follow. Becky is complaining that she's found every pound I've lost. Still even now, at home, I find it tough to eat some days. I must force my way through it.
Daily - Poop!! Laugh if you will but as I found out this was the most important of all. You know you've sunk pretty low when the major topic of conversation among the family was rather I'd pooped that day! The first non-pooping day is not a problem, I'll pick it up tomorrow! Day 2 of no-movement becomes a little strained, but I'll do another lap around the nursing station and loosen things up. Day 3 it becomes an issue and the docs have you on so many stool-softening medicines you believe your eyeballs will just float out of your head. On day 4 you are curled into a fetal position and the "W" and "E" portion of the 3 step program are only memories. You can't move! And you are demanding just one small stick of dynamite to blow a hole in this Hoover Damn that has been erected in your bowels!! Oh and then when relief finally comes!! It is such sweet torment! That last for about 5 hours!!! I AAAHHHed with pleasure so loudly that they heard it at the nursing station! They clapped for my success. We have touchdown!
I just realized I've written quite a lot. I haven't even talked about my good fortune to be sent home for about 10 days for some serious recoup time. My beautiful sister, Molly, has become my line to a sane world before going back into the black hole of chemo! I've got more stories to tell. But they'll have to wait for another time. It's 11:30 in the morning and Molly is already harping on me about eating some lunch. I promise to write again if you promise to continue to send me your strength! As I weave my way through this tunnel I am getting weaker and weaker and I'm in greater need of your strength and prayers. Everyone asks "What can we do?" this is it. Send me prayers - send me strength! I'll catch the vibe and ride it as far as I can! I believe in the power of "unison thought". This is more than one man can do alone. You send the wave!! KAWABUNGA DUDE!!!!!!!
Love to you all. It's nap time before lunch. Chemo Bob!
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Oct. 6
Dad just finished up a 24 hour round of chemo. Not feeling sick but so tired it takes all his effort to eat or sit up in bed. We were hoping for a little break and be able to go home for a few days,seeing Dozier, having fresh air, going into the kitchen and making his own PPJ, and sleeping in his own bed. Well we were wrong. The doc just left the room and gave us a some bad news- "looks like you will be here for another 7-10 days. Make no plans"
Sitting here watching dad feel so miserable just kills me. Knowing there is nothing I can do to make him feels make- just makes me fell hopeless. We got a long journey ahead of us.
I do want to take a minute to thank everyone for all your support and prayers. We really do appreciate it. Without you guys this road would be the rocky mountains.
Emily
Dad just finished up a 24 hour round of chemo. Not feeling sick but so tired it takes all his effort to eat or sit up in bed. We were hoping for a little break and be able to go home for a few days,seeing Dozier, having fresh air, going into the kitchen and making his own PPJ, and sleeping in his own bed. Well we were wrong. The doc just left the room and gave us a some bad news- "looks like you will be here for another 7-10 days. Make no plans"
Sitting here watching dad feel so miserable just kills me. Knowing there is nothing I can do to make him feels make- just makes me fell hopeless. We got a long journey ahead of us.
I do want to take a minute to thank everyone for all your support and prayers. We really do appreciate it. Without you guys this road would be the rocky mountains.
Emily
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